Archive for the ‘Random’ Category

PTSD 

This was a private journal entry dated July 5th, 2013. Releasing this to the public *is not* easy. Be looking for Part 3 soon.

So… to be honest with myself and the rest of the world, I’ve been getting my ass handed to me recently with all flavors and sorts of general stress, chronic back issues and now my newly found and debilitating hearing issues. Hearing loss is one thing, it sucks but the severe tinnitus that accompanies it… it’s terrible. Sleep is my only escape from any of the symptoms but the act of getting to sleep is always a such a challenge for me.

I’ve had a few really rough nights with twisted and deeply scarring nightmares over the last couple weeks, as well. I’ve had a couple hard flashbacks on top of that. After helping my grandmother in her yard and doing a bit of digging with a shovel, the smell of fresh earth made me sick. Very sick. I quickly had a few flashbacks and other generally shitty thoughts and feelings and just had to stop, go inside and lie down. The smell of the dirt really did me in. I think it’s from smelling it at accident scenes when cars had gone off the road and rolled, kicking up dirt and gouging out the earth a bit. The smells on scene are usually pretty strong and are almost always in conjunction with the odor of airbags and sometimes alcohol or the metallic smell of blood. So yeah… that sucked.

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